


The Most Clueless

by WolffyLuna



Category: Guild Wars
Genre: Coming Out, Crush at First Sight, Crushes, F/F, First Crush, Lesbian Character, Mutual Pining, POV Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 08:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6650938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolffyLuna/pseuds/WolffyLuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ratia is definitely not hopelessly crushing on Petronix.</p>
<p>Definitely not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Clueless

They rapt on her desk, in lieu of knocking on the fabric door of the tent. “Darkwatch?”

Ratia looked up from the paperwork. “Yes, that’s me.” The charr in front of her stood tall, proud and confident. A military bearing, even more so than most charr. More open, too. Even if she wasn’t wearing uniform, her demeanor screamed ‘Vigil.’

She smiled, like paperwork duty was the best thing that ever happened to her. She held out her hand to shake, and Ratia took it. It was warm. “Petronix Hawkfoe. Here to help get the records from all the orders sorted out. I think they picked me mostly because they didn’t think paperwork would break me out in hives.”

Ratia smiled, despite herself. There was just something about the way Hawkfoe spoke that was charming and disarming. Ratia had to admit she was handsome; colour co-ordinated with gold and chestnut, and a strong, lithe body to match. “I’m sure there are plenty in your order that can deal with records.”

“Yep, and they shoot up the ranks because they can. I’m one of the few little guys who can.”

Ratia lied, to keep the conversation going. Petronix’s voice was warm and rich, and Rati wanted to hear more of it. “I think they got me because my old job involved a lot of sorting intel.”

“You’re Ash, I take it?”

She nodded. “I don’t think I’d have to guess that you’re Blood.”

Petronix’s grin widened, showing off long, well cared fangs to go with long, well cared for horns. “Hit the target first try.”

_Not a gladium_ , Ratia guessed. Didn’t have the twitchiness of most of the. _And_ she would admit what her Legion was. Not confirmation that she wasn’t a gladium, but enough to make Rati wonder what else brought her to the Vigil.

The conversation stopped, Ratia drawing a blank on what to say to continue it. ( _That’s my job, damnit, why am I stuck--_ ) Petronix broke the silence. “So, what you got there?”

“The oh-oh-double-u and the vigil use the same forms for medical incidents, but the Priory doesn’t. Completely different fields, in a completely different order.” She passed two forms over to Petri, to prove her point. “It’s a nightmare to sort.”

Hawkfoe tilted her head as she compared them. “We’re going to have to rewrite these, aren’t we?”

Ratia sighed. “The sooner we start, the sooner it’s done.”

***

Ratia slid onto the bench, next to Petri.

She didn’t look up from her food, but gave Rati a gentle shoulder punch. They’d reached the ‘hang out without talking’ stage of friendship faster than Ratia had expected. Actually, no. They’d reached each stage faster than she’d expected, got along better than she could have predicted.

She still lied about her life most of the time. But Petronix should have anticipated that, she knew she was from the Order. Ratia speared a chunk of dolyak, and swallowed it whole. “I’m about to ask you something incredibly rude.”

Petri turned and smiled. “Well, now you’ve got me intrigued.”

“How are the Foes doing these days?”

“I don’t know about them, but the Hawks are doing alright, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Ratia ran a claw up and down her fork. “That’s good to hear. ... And yes, that’s what I was asking. You don’t get a lot of non-gladiums in the Pact.”

“Thank Soulkeeper for that.” She swallowed. “I left because it was just getting too insular. Here we were, fighting ghosts and Goldies, and ignoring the dragon breathing down our neck. I Like to think I left on good terms though.”

“Same here.”

“Not a gladium?”

“No. Left for similar reasons. Good terms, too.” The first part was a lie. Couldn’t just run round saying she was a double agent. (Couldn’t just say she was happier the less she was reminded of her childhood, by the Gold Legion or her fahrar mates.)

Petri held her fist out to bump. “Team Not-A-Gladium?”

Ratia smiled and bumped. “Team Not-A-Gladium.”

***

Petronix poked her head through the tent flap. “You must be real trustworthy.”

Ratia tried to hide her flinch. “Ahuh.” She shuffled the papers on her makeshift desk, trying to look like she was sorting them.

“I mean that as compliment. I know Ash, they wouldn’t take the risk if it wasn’t worth it.” Petronix had that look. The ‘I see you’re faking it, but I don’t want to look like I have and put you off’ look. _Hopefully it wouldn’t devolve into ‘I know you know, but I don’t want you to know--”_ Rati thought. That dance was awkward enough with other Ash legionnaires; it would be plain embarrassing with a Blood legionnaire.

She banged the papers on the table to align them. “What risk?”

Petri sauntered over. “You know I’m in charge of looking through people’s histories, in case there’s any reason not to involve them in a mission. I’ve seen yours. As I said, compliments. Ash trusts you, and if Ash does, so do I.”

“I thought snooping through people’s files was my job.” She kept her voice as neutral as she could.

“Nah, getting people to talk your ears off is your job.” Petronix grinned.

Ratia glared at her out of the corner eyes. _Can she stop snooping, for once? ~~and stop finding all my secrets? Job and childhood! Perfect!~~_

Petronix pulled back to a neutral expression, and rocked back and forth on the ball of her feet. “Don’t worry, this hasn’t changed my opinion of you. Well, actually it has. I think of you much better now. Brave enough to get out, and you proved yourself to Ash. Not many could do that.”

Ratia dropped the papers. She showed her teeth as she talked. “I was just a kid.”

Petronix leaned over her desk. Half of Rati wanted to push her out of her personal space, but the other half appreciated the warmth coming off Petri far too much. The first half won, and Ratia pushed herself away from the desk. “You’ve heard about what happened to my warband round Sanctum?”

Ratia took a deep breath, and regained some of her composure. “Can’t say I have.” Petronix never said much about what her warband did. It took Ratia some careful observation to work out that her reticence wasn’t because she was a gladium, and that Hawk warband was alive and well.

“I thought Ash would be all over this one. Sort of thing they’d be interested in.” Petronix paused. “My warband and a couple of others went to clear out a Flame compound. We barreled through; there wasn’t much in the way of combatants. We broke down one of the doors, and guess what we found on the other side? Whole fahrar’s worth of cubs. Armed to the teeth. They nearly took Magaw’s leg off. We didn’t want to kill ‘em, but we had to.These weren’t half trained fahrar kids who just got caught up, they were soldiers. Tiny, too young ones, but they soldiers none the less.

“Flame doesn’t care much for it’s cubs. If it thinks it’ll win a battle, ‘cause no one expects a cub, they’ll use a cub. I know that, you know that, Ash knows that. Little female waif, running away from the big bad Gold Legion? Sounds just like a trick Flame would try and play to get intel, if one of them unstuck their heads out of their asses for long enough to use women as tools. You’d have had to prove yourself.”

“I did. I proved myself by being far too indoctrinated. If I was spy, they reasoned, they would have made me sound pro-Ash, instead of going on about Flame’s birthright.”

“And they still kept their little Flame evangelist.”

Ratia shrugged. “I don’t know exactly what they thought when they kept me. I think they thought I was a smart kid, just fed the wrong information.”

“Did they think right?”

“Do you see me plotting the downfall of the Primus?”

“How would I tell? You’re the spy here.”

Ratia smiled. “I kinda like working somewhere where I can fight. Much more interesting than cooking.”

Petronix gripped the table, and lifted herself up. “That’s the spirit! You know, I’m proud of you. You did it, even when you were little.”

Ratia pushed her chair back in. “You’re pride is noted, but misplaced.”

Petronix walked out of the tent. She paused, halfway out the door flap. “And if the Pact needs to kick some Flame legion ass, I’ll tell ‘em who to call.”

Ratia’s smile widened, showing off her fangs. “I’d be happy to oblige.”

***

Ratia relaxed, her back sinking into the barricades. Stars shone through the gaps in the heavy, Orrian clouds. Petri’s warmth radiated over to her, and her tail kept tickling Rati’s legs. “I think you owe me a rude question,” Hawkfoe said.

“Hmm?”

“Well, I owe you-- whatever. It’s my turn to ask you something personal.”

Ratia huffed out a breath. “As if you don’t know anything personal already.”

“Sorry about that.”

Rati waved her hands. “No, it’s okay. Good to hear someone else say they’re proud, you know?”

Petronix nodded. ‘Anyway, personal question: you ever been in a relationship?”

“No. Never really found anyone really worth it.”

Petri turned her head round to face Ratia. “Never even been tempted?”

“You make it sound as if men could be tempting.’

“What about non-men?” Their eyes met; Ratia saw a steely hardness, an investment she hadn’t noticed before.

_Oh no..._ It was obvious in hindsight that Petronix was interested. Ratia hadn’t considered the possibility. Now Petronix was bearing her heart, and she had to say no.

Rati wished she didn’t have to let her down; wished she could tell her that she’d love her with all her heart, all her body, all her soul. But... It didn’t work that way. She wasn’t interested in women.

She could see how Petri had got that impression... But no. It was false. It’d be nice if she was, but things like that didn’t happen to line up with what you wanted. “They’re tempting as friends. More so than men.”

Petronix nodded, and looked away. Ratia could feel her internal organs dropping away into her feet. “Fair enough,” Petri said. Her ears drooped.

Hawkfoe stood up. “I should probably go get some sleep. It’s getting late.”

“Yeah.” Rati wanted to apologise, but that would mean that this whole awkward dance had happened, and that would be worse. She stared up at the stars, wishing she could have said yes.

***

It was hard to avoid each other. Too many things just had to be done together. So they worked together. The comfortable silence of before shifted to something oppressive, painful.

Rati kept her distance, when she could. No point rubbing each other raw by being to close. The sting of rejection would fade for Petri, and the ache of guilt disappear for her, and they could be close again. Hopefully.

The brushed past each other, near the asura gates. Petronic flinched. Ratia stepped to the side, and kept walking, looking at her feet.

Someone grabbed her hand. “We need to sort this out.” Ratia glanced down. Carmen Nazzaro looked up at her, with a flinty mix of determination and compassion.

She started pulling her towards the mess, and Ratia followed. “We can’t let you mope about. Can’t let Petronix mope about either. We need to sort this out, before something happens. So, what’s going on?” She half sat on a table, and crossed her arms.

Ratia slumped at a bench. “I had to reject her. Well, not directly. She didn’t ask directly, but that’s where she was headed.”

“I wouldn’t have expected that.”

Ratia ignored the comment. “I would have liked to said yes, but...”

“But..?” Carmen rolled her hands, gesturing her to go on.

“I’m straight.”

Carmen raised an eyebrow. “Ah-huh.”

“You’re implying something.”

“Generally, straight girls don’t spend a lot of time mooning over other women. I’ve seen you with Hawkfoe; you look liked you wanted to buy her flowers then do the horizontal haka right there and then.”

“Carmen!”

She held up her hands. “I’m just saying what I saw.”

“You saw wrong then.”

“Did I?”

“I know you’ve never been in a relationship with a man, or wanted one, and I’m seeing you pining over a woman and wishing the stars would align so you could get with her. That’s not particularly straight behaviour.”

Ratia’s ears drooped, and she looked away. “Mmm.”

Carmen’s fingers brushed against her forearm. “I hate to tell you this, but you are the most clueless lesbian I have met.”

Rati pushed her hand off. “I am not.” She paused, thinking through what Nazzaro just said, and they way she felt about Petronix. She did want to be with her. Attraction wasn’t quite the right word, it made it sound like she just wanted to get into Petri’s pants; but there was an aura about her that made Ratia’s day brighter, made her want to stay with her forever. She wanted to be in love with Petronix. No, she _was_ in love. She just hadn’t thought of it as an option.

“No, I am. I am the most clueless lesbian.”

“Don’t feel bad, it takes most awhile--”

Ratia pressed her face into the table. “And I’ve already said no. I’ve ruined my gods-damned changes.”

“Wait. Hold on. This might not work. Probably won’t. But, you still have a chance to go over to Miss Hawkfoe and tell her you are and idiot and a lesbian, and you want to un-reject her. I don’t want to get you hopes up, but--”

Ratia lifted her head up. “It’s worth a shot.”

***

Ratia jogged over to Petronix. “I have something I need to say. But first, this.” She held out a bouquet made of the rare ground flowers found near the fort, with sharp Orrian grass to fill it out.

Petri frowned and cocked her head. “That’s some grass.”

“For you.”

Petronix took it gingerly from Rati’s hands.

Ratia’s tongue felt like it was stuck to the bottom of her mouth, and her heart pounded and tried to escape from her chest. ”I’m sorry about what happened that night--”

Petri held up her hands. “No, it’s okay, it’s fine. I knew the risk I took, and I’m okay with you saying no.”

“But I’m not.” It came out of her mouth before she could stop it. “I mean, I regret saying no. I shouldn’t have. You are very tempting. And I am very, very dumb.”

“Rati, you’re one of the smartest people i’ve met. You’re very tempting, but I don’t want you to do this just to make me feel better.”

Ratia reached out, and brushed Petri’s cheek. It was softer and warmer than she could have ever imagined. She smiled. “I wouldn’t want to lie to you like that. I want to spend time with you, as much as I can. I want to be closer than friends. It just took me a little while to work that out.”

Petronix leaned down, and pressed a kiss to Ratia’s forehead. “Let’s star watch again tonight. And avoid getting the wrong end of the stick again.”

Rati’s smile grew, and she tried to kiss Petri back. She failed; their noses bumped against each other. Petronix grinned too.

“Let’s do that.”


End file.
